i give up on having the font i want/and anything else i want for that matter

My life is so strange right now. Really, it is. Not as strange as the speedy days, but you know. Strange. Let me elaborate.

I have my college friends and teachers, who all know me by Kaitlin and am under the impression that I am a shy, mild mannered artist. It has been insinuated by my classmates that I look rather innocent. This could not be further from the truth of who I actually am. First off, I'm a fucking writer taking a drawing course for the easy credits. I am not really shy, I just am very afraid of letting anyone new get to know me and figure out that I'm really just a fucking alcoholic crazy bitch. But they don't need to know that, this way they give me what I want and I like it.

Then I have my AA friends, who know me by Andy and basically know me as my more vunerable self. My addictions, my past, my fears, that I actually do like affection like a normal person- that's what they deal with. What they don't know about me is that I am not 6 months sober, I'm about 2 weeks, and I really could give less of a shit. They also don't know that my AA is court ordered.

And lastly, I have my real friends, who know me as Andy (short for Anderson) and that I am a loud mouthed rude bitch who enjoys copious amounts of meth, tobacco, alcohol and sex. I'm really not that pretty, I just know how to apply makeup, and I'd rather be puking my guts out on a stranger's cock than doing my homework. They are the only people in this entire equation that I don't have to fake anything around, that I actually enjoy sitting with for hours bullshitting and being assholes.

My biggest fear is any of these circles intersecting. OH GOD.