DRUNK MONDAYS: RULES

1. There must be more than one person involved in Drunk Monday formal, because drinking alone is sad and even though we are all obviously alcoholics there is no reason we can't have fun on our roads to happy destruction.

2. NO THREE WHEELING!!! If two people in the Drunk Monday circle are fucking, there must be someone there for the other person to fuck or it's just not fun for anyone.

3. No less than two people, no more than five.

4. All drinking should be done out of Berkeley. Too small a town, too many possible people to run into.

5. No one gets arrested.

6. Don't talk about Drunk Mondays.

7. DON'T TALK ABOUT DRUNK MONDAYS!

8. No Sjell, Jordan, Seabass, exboyfriends, potential drama instigators, typically sad people, pussy drinkers or not-actually-our-friend friends.

9. No weed. Nobody wants weed on beer day.

10. Don't be a dick and use what may be talked about during Drunk Monday against other members. Do this and face being permanently banned from the slightly depressing funfest.

11. No matter how drunk one may get, always have their back. Even if they're being a damn fool.

Best worst idea ever.

i broke down and made a twitter/you can hate me, i do too

FOLLOW @sparklepony666 FOR CYNICAL ART, DRUG, MUSIC AND GENERAL UNHAPPINESS RELATED POSTS

FOLLOW @sparklepony666

FOLLOW @sparklepony666

YOU WILL FOLLOW @sparklepony666

Thanks all. Shameless self-promo, who gives a fuck.

exciting life news/not really/nothing happens to me

So Laz and the hipster bitch broke up. She dumped him obviously, he was enjoying getting laid on a regular basis with someone who doesn't yell at him to "cum al-fucking-ready" when she gets bored and hungry (ME). I would like to make it very very clear that I have no negative feelings towards this girl, I only really remember her from one instance at Sophie's house a couple years back when this girl ate a club pot brownie and over dosed. It answered a few questions I had been pondering with at the time (do asian people have lower tolerances? YES. can you OD off pot? YES. how many times can this bitch throw up? MANY MANY TIMES) and I split before the ambulance was even called, so there were no real implications for me. Except Sophie getting kind of pissed at me for not helping her clean up this girl's puke.

But really, I hardly know her at all. She made my Lazarus happy, so I was a fan. But then she dumped him like a week into their relationship, which is kind of bitchy, but I can't hate her just for breaking up with my friend. That's just immature.

What bums me out about the whole episode is that Laz is depressed again. I swear he PMS's backwards- generally pretty happy and functional for about a week and then really fucking moody and depressed the rest of the month. I try to make him happy, but it's difficult due to him not actively wanting to have sex with me. I can't flash him when he's feeling down anymore, I guess that's crossing a line. Plus it wouldn't be anything special that he hasn't seen before. More like "Oh, hey Andy's tits" as apposed to "BOOBIES!!!".

This is really fucking terrible. Sorry followers, I took a LOT of Vyvance (ADD meds->legal speed!) tonight. My jaws about to huuurt tomorrow.

Love, Andy

(What the fuck am I saying?)

ugh/my internet usage is like a tangle of wires/IMPOSSIBLE

I have different Gmail's for almost every website I use everyday, and they automatically sign me into my connected email once I log into my account on whatever site. This is actually really really aggravating because my 'formal' email, the one I use for my professors to contact me (which they do. before every fucking class. who told teachers about the internet, I would like to disembowel them.) isn't connected with fucking ANYTHING else I do on the internet. And for good reason, hah.

I realize this is a complete WHITE GIRL PROBLEMS post, but it's fucking irritating to have to log into my email five different god damn times when I want to make my rounds on the internet.

fuck it i'm drunk enough

I can't stop crying. Literally. I've been crying for over an hour and it just won't stop. How am I typing so good? I'm a fucking genius! The drunk typistgenius. I told Laz I wasn't drinking and that I was soooo okay with him screwing thst chubby asian whore when little does he know that every night I cry my fucking eyes out and drink bottles of wine and gina nd juice type cockatisl all by myself in my bed

holy fuck I am so sad

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL I HAVE KNOWN HIM FOR TWO FUCKIG YEARS HE SHAS BEEN IN LVOE WITH ME FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH HIM FOR LIKE A MONTH WHAT THE FUCK GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKIBG LIFE HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND I LOV HIM TO BITS BUT I WILL FUCKOING KILLL YOU DON'T FUKING EFUCKING WITH ME YOU STUPID SRUPID SUPTU WHOREA HIPSTER BI6HCES FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

i am going to get drunk and cry now

Bye

get away from me

Dear Serena,

Get the fuck out of my universe please.

Thank you,

Andy

not sure if this is actually my life/or if i fell asleep watching the jerry springer show again

So, after I had written that exhaustingly long and dramatic blog posting from earlier today, I assumed my strange day was over and it was safe to go back to my regularly scheduled boring life.

I was dead wrong.

My sister and I left the house to buy cigarettes and candy after spending most of the afternoon in our pajamas watching romantic comedies and drinking tea. So we're walking down our street (OUR FUCKING STREET) and I see my friend Jordan, who stops to exchange pleasantries for a moment and then suddenly I am tackled by a dog. But not just any dog, an all black adorable hyperactive shepard. Shadow. Laz's dog.

Laz and Vincent and someone who was obviously unimportant because I don't even remember them come walking down the street (again, OUR FUCKING STREET). My sister and I exchange "Holy fucking shit this is really happening" looks and then proceed to greet them in the friendliest way possible. Vincent, for anyone terribly concerned with my life, is my sister's exboyfriend. This was the first time they had seen each other since the break up. Laz and I are still very close, but they hadn't spoken in months.

We continued down the street with them until we reached the corner, at which point I gave Laz a hug good bye, commented on his disgusting trashy hickey, and speed walked to Walgreens with sister as fast as humanly possible.

I really just needed to get her out of that situation, and it was really horribly awkward. She hates being around Vincent, it makes her very upset, and I really only can look out for her best interests.

ughughugh/EUUUGHHH

So today against all better judgements, I agreed to get coffee with an old exboyfriend of mine. Now you may be thinking "But Andy! Your best friend is an exboyfriend of yours, why would this be weird?" Well let me tell you why! This boy, Matteo, was my first real boyfriend. He took my virginity (yes, I was once a virgin, I'm shocked too) and pretty much fucked me over. Didn't let me see Lazarus period, started a lot of nasty rumors about me after we broke up... just general terrible things. But now he wants to be friends again, and it was been over a year, so I went out to get coffee and catch up with him.

It was actually rather nice, he has a car so for once I didn't have to shlep on my bike, and it was raining and wonderful and he smokes as much as I do so neither of us minded the car getting completely hot boxed. We went to one of my favorite cafes, Au Coquelet. It was really great, albiet a bit awkward, but altogether a positive experience.

And then disaster struck "Oh hey there's my friend Oli-OH MY GOD THAT IS LAZ'S NEW GIRLFRIEND WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW"

We ended up running out the back entrance and chain smoking for twenty minutes in which I told myself over and over again that I am pretty and interesting and she is chubby and asian. And then we entered again through the back and acted surprised. They took our fucking table. I just put on my prettiest best face and was genuinely friendly and nice to them. Laz's girlfriend just avoided eye contact and looked really uncomfortable. Which made me laugh. A lot.

Then we left and he drove me home and we totally boned

Just kidding he has a girlfriend and I would never again. But he does smell very nice.

MY LIFE IS ODD.

rejoining human civilization always fucks me in the ass

This time I'm going to stick with it instead of dropping out of the world again and not leaving my house for a couple months. But really, every single time I have gone back out into society after an absence, people have just fucked me over and caused way too much trouble for me.

new bike/fuck yeah/happy

I don't have to ride around on a stolen 200 pound rusted death trap anymore! Say hello to my new, beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL little vanilla Public 7 speed.

So fucking happy.

This is a pretty shitty picture. I'll try to take a better one later.

conversation with lazarus

Me: I don't like him, I have a crush on him. Like if we were in the 3rd grade I'd write him a little "do you like me, check yes or no" note. Actually, I did that in high school too...

Laz: Yeah. Then fuck it! Do that! Be dorky as fuck! It's cute!

Me: It's only cute if they like you back. If they don't it's really really creepy.

Laz: Well, you don't even fucking know. God damn. Do SOMETHING.

Me: I don't know...

Laz: YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.

This, dear readers, is why he is my best friend.

Nobody else calls me on my shit like he does.

i give up on having the font i want/and anything else i want for that matter

My life is so strange right now. Really, it is. Not as strange as the speedy days, but you know. Strange. Let me elaborate.

I have my college friends and teachers, who all know me by Kaitlin and am under the impression that I am a shy, mild mannered artist. It has been insinuated by my classmates that I look rather innocent. This could not be further from the truth of who I actually am. First off, I'm a fucking writer taking a drawing course for the easy credits. I am not really shy, I just am very afraid of letting anyone new get to know me and figure out that I'm really just a fucking alcoholic crazy bitch. But they don't need to know that, this way they give me what I want and I like it.

Then I have my AA friends, who know me by Andy and basically know me as my more vunerable self. My addictions, my past, my fears, that I actually do like affection like a normal person- that's what they deal with. What they don't know about me is that I am not 6 months sober, I'm about 2 weeks, and I really could give less of a shit. They also don't know that my AA is court ordered.

And lastly, I have my real friends, who know me as Andy (short for Anderson) and that I am a loud mouthed rude bitch who enjoys copious amounts of meth, tobacco, alcohol and sex. I'm really not that pretty, I just know how to apply makeup, and I'd rather be puking my guts out on a stranger's cock than doing my homework. They are the only people in this entire equation that I don't have to fake anything around, that I actually enjoy sitting with for hours bullshitting and being assholes.

My biggest fear is any of these circles intersecting. OH GOD.

i like a boy/i guess

I won't lie and say that you're my first anything really. And I'll never say that I'll love you forever or that I want to be with you for all eternity. That portion of my heart is occupied for the foreseeable future.

But you're someone new and I haven't felt like this in a long time so at least it's something.

on another angry note

Why the fuck won't Blogger let me use Courier consistently! This is fucking bullshit! I like my fonts the way I like 'em, dammit! None of that Verdana bullshit!

i'm angry/but then again i'm always angry

Stupid fucking self-centered hipster bitch.

I never liked who you are as a person, but I put up with you because you're an easy lay and awesome in the sack. Manipulative? Yeah, okay. I can live with that. What I can't live with however is the way you are treating my best fucking friend. You wonder why I don't like you? Because you hurt someone I love. I have been taking care of this boy for years now, and then you come in and absolutely fucking destroy him. What hurts the most is that you did exactly what I did to him only two years ago, but you seem to live without any remorse whatsoever for the wreckage you have caused.

Stupid fucking self-centered hipster bitch.

I want to puke on you. You make me so angry.

something that makes me angry and sad and then more angry again because i let something stupid make me sad

When someone takes a song I've always related to my feelings for them and uses it as their song for someone ELSE. It makes me very angry and sad. Emotional wars in music.

Especially when I showed them the song and they DIDN'T LIKE IT and then go and use it for someone else. And therefore completely RUINING the song for me.

YOU CAN'T TAKE SINEAD AND SHANE FROM ME

THAT'S NOT FAIR

FUCK YOU LAZ!

july/5

All I want to do is ride bikes today.
So all I'm gonna do is ride bikes today!

Gotta love Summmer!

final product

One of the three final flyers made from my "I'm not going to sleep until I finish this shit oh well looks like I'm not gonna sleep at all" artistic angry fury last night.

Looks like I'm gonna be doing a lot of printing today...

project "old timer asshole"

I am starting a new project. A simple flyering production for the lovely new batch of Gilman preteen punks. The image above is a prototype of the flyers I will be xeroxing and spreading around town myself. Especially downtown Berkeley, Ohlone trail, Berkeley BART, and the Gilman area. I want these fuckers to see them and know that they are hated by someone. Someone with a copy machine. I want the old crew to see them and laugh and remember the "Colin Likes it in the Butt" flyers of 2010 and hopefully come together in camaraderie.

You might be wondering, "Why do you care so much about some stupid kids, Andy?" And let me tell you why. They have taken everything I care about and hold dear and parade it about like a fucking accessory. The band shirts they bought with their parents money, their brand new iPods loaded with songs screaming about poverty. What do they know about the music they listen to? Absolutely nothing. All they care about is getting fucked up and looking cool. They think they're so fucking alternative, when in actuality they are just like everyone else. Take away the studs, take away the patches and the stupid hair cuts and they have the same sheep mentality as the people they rebel against.

Not only have they made me question the legitimacy of what I love, but they have taken away my second home. The Gilman, which used to be run by my crew, is now infested with these idiotic herd minded preteens. I don't go there anymore, it just makes me angry and I hate having to deal with the drunk baby punks.

This isn't just for me. This is for Valentina and Lazarus. This is for the whole old crew. They took our home from ALL of us. I'm don't think this is some grand revolution, but hey, it's fucking something.

I'm getting pissed off, it's 5:30 in the morning, and I have more work to do.