not sure if this is actually my life/or if i fell asleep watching the jerry springer show again

So, after I had written that exhaustingly long and dramatic blog posting from earlier today, I assumed my strange day was over and it was safe to go back to my regularly scheduled boring life.

I was dead wrong.

My sister and I left the house to buy cigarettes and candy after spending most of the afternoon in our pajamas watching romantic comedies and drinking tea. So we're walking down our street (OUR FUCKING STREET) and I see my friend Jordan, who stops to exchange pleasantries for a moment and then suddenly I am tackled by a dog. But not just any dog, an all black adorable hyperactive shepard. Shadow. Laz's dog.

Laz and Vincent and someone who was obviously unimportant because I don't even remember them come walking down the street (again, OUR FUCKING STREET). My sister and I exchange "Holy fucking shit this is really happening" looks and then proceed to greet them in the friendliest way possible. Vincent, for anyone terribly concerned with my life, is my sister's exboyfriend. This was the first time they had seen each other since the break up. Laz and I are still very close, but they hadn't spoken in months.

We continued down the street with them until we reached the corner, at which point I gave Laz a hug good bye, commented on his disgusting trashy hickey, and speed walked to Walgreens with sister as fast as humanly possible.

I really just needed to get her out of that situation, and it was really horribly awkward. She hates being around Vincent, it makes her very upset, and I really only can look out for her best interests.

ughughugh/EUUUGHHH

So today against all better judgements, I agreed to get coffee with an old exboyfriend of mine. Now you may be thinking "But Andy! Your best friend is an exboyfriend of yours, why would this be weird?" Well let me tell you why! This boy, Matteo, was my first real boyfriend. He took my virginity (yes, I was once a virgin, I'm shocked too) and pretty much fucked me over. Didn't let me see Lazarus period, started a lot of nasty rumors about me after we broke up... just general terrible things. But now he wants to be friends again, and it was been over a year, so I went out to get coffee and catch up with him.

It was actually rather nice, he has a car so for once I didn't have to shlep on my bike, and it was raining and wonderful and he smokes as much as I do so neither of us minded the car getting completely hot boxed. We went to one of my favorite cafes, Au Coquelet. It was really great, albiet a bit awkward, but altogether a positive experience.

And then disaster struck "Oh hey there's my friend Oli-OH MY GOD THAT IS LAZ'S NEW GIRLFRIEND WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW"

We ended up running out the back entrance and chain smoking for twenty minutes in which I told myself over and over again that I am pretty and interesting and she is chubby and asian. And then we entered again through the back and acted surprised. They took our fucking table. I just put on my prettiest best face and was genuinely friendly and nice to them. Laz's girlfriend just avoided eye contact and looked really uncomfortable. Which made me laugh. A lot.

Then we left and he drove me home and we totally boned

Just kidding he has a girlfriend and I would never again. But he does smell very nice.

MY LIFE IS ODD.

rejoining human civilization always fucks me in the ass

This time I'm going to stick with it instead of dropping out of the world again and not leaving my house for a couple months. But really, every single time I have gone back out into society after an absence, people have just fucked me over and caused way too much trouble for me.

new bike/fuck yeah/happy

I don't have to ride around on a stolen 200 pound rusted death trap anymore! Say hello to my new, beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL little vanilla Public 7 speed.

So fucking happy.

This is a pretty shitty picture. I'll try to take a better one later.

conversation with lazarus

Me: I don't like him, I have a crush on him. Like if we were in the 3rd grade I'd write him a little "do you like me, check yes or no" note. Actually, I did that in high school too...

Laz: Yeah. Then fuck it! Do that! Be dorky as fuck! It's cute!

Me: It's only cute if they like you back. If they don't it's really really creepy.

Laz: Well, you don't even fucking know. God damn. Do SOMETHING.

Me: I don't know...

Laz: YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.

This, dear readers, is why he is my best friend.

Nobody else calls me on my shit like he does.

i give up on having the font i want/and anything else i want for that matter

My life is so strange right now. Really, it is. Not as strange as the speedy days, but you know. Strange. Let me elaborate.

I have my college friends and teachers, who all know me by Kaitlin and am under the impression that I am a shy, mild mannered artist. It has been insinuated by my classmates that I look rather innocent. This could not be further from the truth of who I actually am. First off, I'm a fucking writer taking a drawing course for the easy credits. I am not really shy, I just am very afraid of letting anyone new get to know me and figure out that I'm really just a fucking alcoholic crazy bitch. But they don't need to know that, this way they give me what I want and I like it.

Then I have my AA friends, who know me by Andy and basically know me as my more vunerable self. My addictions, my past, my fears, that I actually do like affection like a normal person- that's what they deal with. What they don't know about me is that I am not 6 months sober, I'm about 2 weeks, and I really could give less of a shit. They also don't know that my AA is court ordered.

And lastly, I have my real friends, who know me as Andy (short for Anderson) and that I am a loud mouthed rude bitch who enjoys copious amounts of meth, tobacco, alcohol and sex. I'm really not that pretty, I just know how to apply makeup, and I'd rather be puking my guts out on a stranger's cock than doing my homework. They are the only people in this entire equation that I don't have to fake anything around, that I actually enjoy sitting with for hours bullshitting and being assholes.

My biggest fear is any of these circles intersecting. OH GOD.

i like a boy/i guess

I won't lie and say that you're my first anything really. And I'll never say that I'll love you forever or that I want to be with you for all eternity. That portion of my heart is occupied for the foreseeable future.

But you're someone new and I haven't felt like this in a long time so at least it's something.