rejoining human civilization always fucks me in the ass

This time I'm going to stick with it instead of dropping out of the world again and not leaving my house for a couple months. But really, every single time I have gone back out into society after an absence, people have just fucked me over and caused way too much trouble for me.

new bike/fuck yeah/happy

I don't have to ride around on a stolen 200 pound rusted death trap anymore! Say hello to my new, beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL little vanilla Public 7 speed.

So fucking happy.

This is a pretty shitty picture. I'll try to take a better one later.

conversation with lazarus

Me: I don't like him, I have a crush on him. Like if we were in the 3rd grade I'd write him a little "do you like me, check yes or no" note. Actually, I did that in high school too...

Laz: Yeah. Then fuck it! Do that! Be dorky as fuck! It's cute!

Me: It's only cute if they like you back. If they don't it's really really creepy.

Laz: Well, you don't even fucking know. God damn. Do SOMETHING.

Me: I don't know...

Laz: YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.

This, dear readers, is why he is my best friend.

Nobody else calls me on my shit like he does.

i give up on having the font i want/and anything else i want for that matter

My life is so strange right now. Really, it is. Not as strange as the speedy days, but you know. Strange. Let me elaborate.

I have my college friends and teachers, who all know me by Kaitlin and am under the impression that I am a shy, mild mannered artist. It has been insinuated by my classmates that I look rather innocent. This could not be further from the truth of who I actually am. First off, I'm a fucking writer taking a drawing course for the easy credits. I am not really shy, I just am very afraid of letting anyone new get to know me and figure out that I'm really just a fucking alcoholic crazy bitch. But they don't need to know that, this way they give me what I want and I like it.

Then I have my AA friends, who know me by Andy and basically know me as my more vunerable self. My addictions, my past, my fears, that I actually do like affection like a normal person- that's what they deal with. What they don't know about me is that I am not 6 months sober, I'm about 2 weeks, and I really could give less of a shit. They also don't know that my AA is court ordered.

And lastly, I have my real friends, who know me as Andy (short for Anderson) and that I am a loud mouthed rude bitch who enjoys copious amounts of meth, tobacco, alcohol and sex. I'm really not that pretty, I just know how to apply makeup, and I'd rather be puking my guts out on a stranger's cock than doing my homework. They are the only people in this entire equation that I don't have to fake anything around, that I actually enjoy sitting with for hours bullshitting and being assholes.

My biggest fear is any of these circles intersecting. OH GOD.

i like a boy/i guess

I won't lie and say that you're my first anything really. And I'll never say that I'll love you forever or that I want to be with you for all eternity. That portion of my heart is occupied for the foreseeable future.

But you're someone new and I haven't felt like this in a long time so at least it's something.

on another angry note

Why the fuck won't Blogger let me use Courier consistently! This is fucking bullshit! I like my fonts the way I like 'em, dammit! None of that Verdana bullshit!

i'm angry/but then again i'm always angry

Stupid fucking self-centered hipster bitch.

I never liked who you are as a person, but I put up with you because you're an easy lay and awesome in the sack. Manipulative? Yeah, okay. I can live with that. What I can't live with however is the way you are treating my best fucking friend. You wonder why I don't like you? Because you hurt someone I love. I have been taking care of this boy for years now, and then you come in and absolutely fucking destroy him. What hurts the most is that you did exactly what I did to him only two years ago, but you seem to live without any remorse whatsoever for the wreckage you have caused.

Stupid fucking self-centered hipster bitch.

I want to puke on you. You make me so angry.